accelerate

I find myself at another curve in the path. I have two Masters degrees in subjects that I enjoyed studying, but after nearly 10 years I find myself yearning for something else. A lot of this ‘else’ would included more degrees and more studying, but until I discover a way to do that for free I need t find something other than that.

Being laid off has given me the opportunity to evaluate where I am in my life and make some decision with a deadline imposed. I have always been self reflective, but I tent o stay reflective and in my head rather than actively making change. For all my love of ambiguity and paradox, I get very anxious when my ‘future plan’ is undecided or in the hands of others. I’ve come to crave that control over what will happened next ever since I became the able to mo make those choices. I though I had a plan, but it is constantly revising itself. The universe has plans, and I’m trying to be accepting of uncertainty and wait for it to reveal itself this time.

When I think about this change, I don’t see it as a crossroads, because that seems to imply a total change—completely away from where I am now, and I don’t want that either. I’m looking for that branch on the tree that can bring me higher and closer to brightness and fresh air while still remaining connected to my trunk, roots, and other branches. I don’t know what branch I will end up traveling up, but I am in a place where I welcome the change even though it has been thrust upon me by outside forces.

But because I’m in a tree and not at a crossroads, whatever choices I make will be the right ones. I will continue moving upwards and outwards towards amore possibility-because it is all connected. I just need to relax and trust the supports I’ve got around me and prepare for what might come next: it’s time to fall another direction…

‘The vista I see now is changing
Uncertainty is suffocating…

No time to question the choices I make
I've got to fall in another direction.
Accelerate….’